


Uncertainty

by Danyu



Category: Fruits Basket, Fruits Basket - Takaya Natsuki (Manga)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-08 03:46:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5482184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danyu/pseuds/Danyu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haru reflects on his own fears and uncertainty as he prepares himself to confront Rin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

She was thinner than he remembered.

Her color wasn't all that good either, observed Hatsuharu Sohma, as he stood silently in the doorway, watching the woman he had loved for so long, the woman who had rejected him.

Rin Sohma lay peacefully sleeping, unaware of his powerful stare. She was the very embodiment of Sohma feminine beauty, even in her illness. Haru's breath caught painfully in his chest, a familiar wave of longing washing over him. He made it no secret to himself how much he wanted her- he never believed in self-denial- but it was still shaming to need her in such a way, even after she had cut the ties between them. They had shared so much together; it shouldn't have mattered for him to hesitate now. But he did.

He remembered all too well her carefully hidden fear, her hesitation and doubt, the emotionless, cold as ice tone she had used to tear his heart apart and toss him aside.

Forcing his mind back to the present, Haru knew that was the reason he hesitated, frozen in her doorway, fear of being hurt again.

It would be so easy to be angry, to let go to his Black side and rampage until he could do or say no more. He could try and make himself hate her, give her back some of the hurt she made him feel, but it would be a useless effort, to try to make himself feel the exact opposite of the truth.

Since the time they were children, he had set his sights on her. As he grew older, he learned to control the more intense aspects of himself, the aggression and violence of his Black side. He faced the world with a mask, swallowing back his heavier emotions to embrace composure. But his interest in her never waned, as he waited patiently to grow older, and during that time, his interest blossomed into attraction and finally love. A love that ran so deep he nearly drowned in it.

He loved her. There was no denying the fact, and he had never made any effort to do so. He loved her so deeply and truly he could hardly remember a time when he hadn't. He wondered if it made him weak in Rin's eyes, for him to be so hopelessly in love with her. Even with her body weak and ill, Rin was still so incredibly strong, if not in body, then in heart and spirit. That strength was one of the qualities he admired most in her. He had always wished so desperately for some of that strength, to be strong enough to heal himself, and endure, find a way to move on with his life. There was a time when the most certain thing in his life had been Rin's love for him, no matter how short a time it was, and then he had never questioned his standing in her eyes. But she had put a cruel end to that fantasy, and now he failed to measure up, afraid to be found inadequate in her eyes.

Uncertainty. It made him frozen now, made him hesitate in her doorway lost in his own thoughts. He hesitated, caught between fears and longing, need and anger. It was confounding enough to have the Black side of his personality lingering inside of him, but when Rin was around, her presence triggered feelings inside him that felt as if he was torn in a thousand different directions. Part of him wanted to turn his back and walk away, leave behind her and their tangled history. Another part just wanted to break down and scream his frustration, feeling so helpless in the tidal wave of change that had enveloped his world. Yet another part of him was so overcome with longing, thick and palpable, he hurt inside. So intense it ached, the urge to go to her bedside, pull her into his arms, and never let go for the world.

He wearily raised his head, feeling suddenly exhausted, as a sudden rustling came from inside the hospital room. Rin was stirring.

Indecision. Hesitation. Uncertainty. Hatsuharu Sohma had never felt these before, and he was not about to start now.

With a trembling breath that caused his body to shudder, Hatsuharu steeled himself, letting his expression fall into a familiar mask of imperturbable calm. Rejection awaiting him only a few steps away, his mind overwhelmed with a lover's affection and concern, Hatsuharu hesitantly stepped forward, leaving uncertainty in his wake.


	2. The Words We Say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was Haru who would haunt her, even he was gone.

" _I tired of you."_

" _I don't need you anymore."_

The echo of her own words echoed through Rin's head like a tired mantra that refused to be deafened. Inside, she desperately fought against each new wave of shame and despair every repeat of those words brought to her. In her grief, it was hard to see her resolve, the rationality and reasoning she had forced herself to recognize as she broke the heart of the one person who made her feel whole, made her feel loved.

Looking up to see the object of both her turmoil and her affections standing casually in the doorway, she let an irritated frown take the place of her mask, ignoring the protests of her jumping heart. "What are you doing here, Haru?"

Leaning against the doorway, his eyes holding that sleepy look that could be so misleading, he shrugged nonchantantly. "I came to see how you were doing, Rin. Is that a crime?"

Holding back a biting remark, she settled for glaring daggers into his back. Love or not, he did have a way of getting under her skin. He walked the rest of the way into the room, stopping to examine the flowers at the table in the corner. Hiro had left them on his last visit, she remembered vaguely. Despite the bravado the young boy put forward, he really was kind-hearted under it all, and it was nice to know he was concerned for her.

Frustrated by the carefree fashion her ex-boyfriend light-footed around her hospital room, Rin fell back on one of her specialties, getting to the point. "Why are you here, Hatsuharu? I told you last time I didn't want to see you anymore."

_That's not true. It's the farthest from the truth…_

His back stiffened, not at her cold and brusque tone, but at her use of his full name. It was said with such an air of detachment, of unfamiliarity, as if they were strangers. He glanced over his shoulder, immediately pinning her down with his intense gray eyes. "You're lying through your teeth, love. Your nostrils always flare just a little when you lie."

Mortified, she quickly raised a hand to cover her nose, and then instantly let it fall back against the bedsheets. What on earth was she doing? She was no child to fall so easily to his teasing.

"I have no idea what you're talking about. And don't call me that. I'm not your 'love'."

"You don't think, so?" he said softly, fixating his haunting gaze on her once more, "How many times have I told you so, Rin? When you cried when we were kids, when I held you, when I kissed you, when we lay together after we made love? What will it take to make you believe it?"

The whisper of pain behind the serenity and seriousness of his expression was enough to send daggers through her heart, but she knew she was about to break his even more.

"I don't have the time or the patience for your sentimental garbage, Haru."

_You've always been so caring, Haru. Even when I far from deserved it…_

"Haven't I told you before? I don't want to see you anymore. I'm tired of you always hanging around."

_You're everything, Haru…_

"I don't have time to play games with little boys."

_Break the ties that bind us. Drive it in so deep, he'll want nothing more to do with me. If he comes to hate me, so be it…_

_Break his heart…_

_I love you, Haru…_

Long ago, it had been Haru who had saved her from herself, who had cast a single light in her world that had outshined the darkness.

It was Haru who had asked the unthinkable, to be with her in a way that defied everything they had ever been taught, who had asked for nothing more than her love.

It was Haru who loved her so desperately and selflessly.

It was Haru who was unlike any other man she had ever known.

But it was Haru Akito had threatened when the clan head discovered their relationship, Haru she had protected by taking the punishment that had landed her in the hospital.

It was for Haru that she did everything, to save him from the curse, Akito, the family, and herself.

To protect him, she had to hurt him. It was the only solution she could see.

And it was Haru who said nothing, staring at her with sad, understanding eyes, as she effectively shattered his heart yet again. It was Haru who would haunt her, even when he was gone.


End file.
